If They Could See Him Now
by lolidge19
Summary: A very angsty songfic to 'If You Could See Me Now' by The Script. I. Own. Nothing :( Rated K for a minor swear that I *ed out! READ 'N' REVIEW PEEPLEZ!


**A/N: I was listening to this, one of my favourite songs, when I thought "HEY! I could write a songfic with this! About Clive! Yeah!", and started typing right then there-after checking that there definatley wasn't another one of these fics with the same song & character (THERE ISN'T! :) Yay, its an ORIGINAL!) Warning: LOTS of angst in here... On with the disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: As I've mentioned before (numerous times), I DON'T own Harry Potte- Wait. I don't own Professor Layton. Level Five does. Now that I think about it, I don't own Harry Potter either. In short, I own nothing except my epic cow slippers from my birthday last year (THANKYOU, Hanhan2100! Best. Prezzie. Ever.)... OH YEAH, I'm not the secret fourth member of The Script, so I have nothing to do with If You Could See Me Now either. :(**

**(The lyrics from the song are in** _italics_**)**

_It was February 14 Valentines Day_  
_The roses came but they took you away_

I remember the day I lost my parents. I remember the blast through the place I'd lived my whole life. I remember how mum and dad told me to get out, to run, to get away. How they told me they loved me for the last time.

_Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm_  
_Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone_

After the 'accident', I tried to be calm and get on with my life. That worked for about... Ten minutes? I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd never see them again, and it made me angry. I swore to get revenge against the people who took my family away from me, I swore to avenge my parents.

_And I'll never get to show you these songs _  
_Dad you should see the tours that I'm on _  
_I see you standing there next to Mom_  
_Both singing along, yeah arm in arm_

When I think about Mum and Dad, I always see them before the explosion, the last time I ever saw them. I just can't think about it and keep myself composed at the same time anymore.

_And there are days when I'm losing my faith_  
_Because the man wasn't good he was great_  
_He'd say "Music was the home for your pain"_  
_And explained I was young, he would say_  
_Take that rage, put it on a page_  
_Take that page to the stage_  
_Blow the roof off the place_

My parents always used to teach me how I should live my life. How I should try and make the best of every situation and how to just take life as it comes. I tried to remember everything they taught me after they died, but, as I said, I can't think about it anymore.

_I'm trying to make you proud_  
_Do everything you did_  
_I hope you're up there with God saying "That's my kid!"_

I try to think of how Mum and Dad would feel about everything I have done since... Since the accident. When I was in that damned mobile fortress- MY damned mobile fortress- I kept thinking of how they'd be so happy that I avenged them. But now I'm not so sure.

_I still look for your face in the crowd _  
_Oh if you could see me now_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow _  
_Oh if you could see me now_

Would they hate me now? Would they disown me as their son? I'm pretty certain that I would, if I was them.

_If you could see me now would you recognize me? _  
_Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me? _  
_Would you follow every line on my tear-stained face?_

I wonder if Mum and Dad would understand why I did what I did. If they would understand that I did it all for them and because of how much I loved them. How much I love them.

_Put your hand on my heart that was cold_  
_As the day you were taken away_  
_I know it's been a while but I can see you clear as day_

I can imagine Mum and Dad hating me for all the stupid things I did. I dream about it. Afterwards, I normally wake up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down my face.

_Right now, I wish I could hear you say _  
_I drink too much, and I smoke too much dutch_  
_But if you can't see me now that s**t's a must_

A lot of the time, I want to hear Mum or Dad telling me to get a grip. To pull myself together and get on with my life. I just want to hear their voices again, one last time.

_You used to say I won't know a wind until it crossed me _  
_Like I won't know real love 'til _  
_I've loved and I've lost it_

When I was younger, people always used to tell me that I "wouldn't know what I had until it was gone". Being the age I was, I just thought that all adults were complicated and cryptic and went back to whatever doing what a typical child would do. But now, after everything that's happened, I understand what they meant. Exactly what they meant.

_So if you lost a sister, someone's lost a mom_  
_And if you lost a dad then someone's lost a son_  
_And they're all missing out, yeah they're all missing out_

I know other people have lost relatives. I know that quite well. I know that I'm undoubtedly the cause of some people losing relatives. I never thought once in that machine that I was risking the lives of innocent people. All that was swirling around my head was how I was avenging my parents. That thought was clouding my brain like a heavy fog.

_So if you get a second to look down on me now_  
_Mom, Dad I'm just missing you now_

I know I keep saying this, but I ALWAYS think of how my parents would react if they could see me now. I want them to know how much I miss them. I miss them like... I can't describe it. I just miss them so much.

_I still look for your face in the crowd _  
_Oh if you could see me now_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now_

Would they understand why I did what I did? Would they understand how desperate I was after they died to end up pillaging London in a giant metal monstrosity?

_Oh, oh_  
_Would you call me a saint or a sinner? _  
_Would you love me a loser or winner? Oh, oh_  
_When I see my face in the mirror _  
_We look so alike that it makes me shiver_

Everyone told me that I had my mum's eyes. It makes me feel horrible that people see me and think that I'm some kind of monster, because I look like my parents and people will think of them being part of what happened.

_I still look for your face in the crowd_  
_Oh if you could see me now_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now_  
_Yeah I'm just missing you now_  
_I still look for your face in the crowd  
Oh if you could see me now  
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow  
Oh if you could see me now  
If you could see, you could see me now._

__God, I miss them so much.

**A/N: I tried to warn you about the angst...**

**How was it? Good? Bad? Terrible?**

**REVIEW OR I WILL SET THE FORTRESS AFTER YOU! BE AFRAID!**

**With love (in a non-creepy way),**

**Lolidge19 (who has lost her awesome little arrows on her keyboard and is sad about it :( )**

**xxx**


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